Ducks on a Pond

Y’all. Looks can be deceiving in our congregations.

Yep, it’s another episode of Congregational Shenanigans™, brought to you by the people who just can’t help make trouble under the surface to undermine the good work others are doing.

The same people who circle the wagons when someone suggests they should address patterns of behavior that keep them out of covenant.

The same people who “secretly” meet for breakfast to air grievances and argue against those working toward health.

You see, these people - and sadly, a lot of congregations have them - do their best work when things seems great on the surface; worship is well attended, religious education is going well, no one’s been fired lately, and by golly, these people sign on to the efforts toward health. So much so that the congregation’s leaders think there’s healing and health afoot.

Except under the surface, it’s all suspicion and stubbornness and systematic antagonism.

If I had a crystal ball, I might be able to more clearly define why it happens so often in congregations - although experience tells me it might be one of these things:

Control Issues: When the going gets tough, especially when we are in ‘unprecedented times’ such as this, so much is out of our control and it’s hard to make sense of the world. So we grab on to things we can control. Sometimes that becomes diving into a small project, or focusing on something small that can be addressed, or micromanaging, or trying to control the one place we might feel comfortable and safe to exert some power. At its best, control in times like this help us get things done and get focused on meeting the moment. At its worst, control wrenches away power from those in the positions that hold that power, undermining and building coalitions against the elected/hired power structures.

A Shift in Attention: I see this happen a lot when congregations grow, when leaders leave positions of authority. When this happens, we are no longer the center of attention, and we’re no longer involved in the every day decisions. There can be a time and energy sink, and the dearth of information feels icky. Suddenly, we might want to go to meetings we’re not part of, or demand information, or argue against a decision mostly because we’re not part of it.

A Shift Toward Justice and Equity: As a white person myself, I can tell you I have struggled in my past about feeling left out or left behind when the focus of our congregation’s work has been around anti-oppression and anti-racism; many of us were raised to think of power and control and success as pie - there’s only so much to go around. But what we know is that justice and equity is not pie; good and faithful DEI work raises all boats. But for folks who struggle to see that, it’s easy to make the people working on DEI the target of discomfort and unrest.

Fear of Another Crisis: For some of our congregations, healing has been hard won after a major crisis. Sometimes fear that it could happen again does little to strengthen the resolve to be in good relationship with each other. It’s that old ‘history repeating itself thing.’

I’m sure there are other causes - but all of them would be resolved if each person just thought more carefully and acted more lovingly.

At last week’s Unitarian Universalist Theology Convocation in Fairfax, VA, the Rev. Sara Lewis talked about her struggles to get groups to see covenants as anything more than a set of rules. She said that instead, she’s been talking about our shared values and asking folks to share how they might live out their values with each other in their gatherings. (This is our language, but I suspect it’s easily transferable for readers in other faiths.)

I wonder if this is a way forward… because I am watching too many ducks wearing themselves out with all the ridiculousness under the surface… and maybe even be honest about it. I understand that for the ducks on the pond who are trying to hold it all together, it’s hard to speak out. You’re are afraid of rocking the boat, or shaking the status quo, or calling each other in, or letting folks know what is actually happening.

It’s a lot, I know, what with the hostile government takeover not ceasing any time soon. But we must be stronger together - we must become communities of resistance, and all the nonsense is utterly counter-productive to that.