Hey Y'all, It's Pride

A few years ago, the now Rev. Phoenix Bell-Shelton Biggs said something that shifted how I understand myself.

It was a quiet moment in the middle of a service at SUUSI (the Southeast Unitarian Universalist Summer Institute) - it was a service of transitions: child dedications, bridging, and for the first time, a recognition of those whose pronouns and/or names had changed or who wanted to come out to their SUUSI community. We also included a more general blessing for those who identified as queer. As we made time for those who wanted to participate to come up on stage, those of us offering blessings put glitter on each other’s foreheads and said words of blessings. Phoenix blessed me, saying “thank you for being a queer elder.”

Outwardly, I accepted graciously and turned to the beloveds who made their way for their blessings.

Inwardly I screamed “ELDER? How am I this old? How am I an elder!?!?”

Later, I went to a private Facebook group for GenX professionals and noted my shock. And my fellow queer GenXers reminded me that because as a leading edge Xer, I was one of those who did indeed lose many of my friends in the early days of the AIDS crisis and was on the front lines for so many of those fights in the 80s and 90s… that because we lost so many of the generation just before us, we de facto became the elders.

I finally leaned into that this past January, when in a class for my doctorate on music for social transformation, I presented on the music of the AIDS crisis, leading with “I am a queer elder, and as a queer elder, it is my duty to tell the story and keep the memory alive.”

Later, in March, I expanded the story a little to include the history of Pride, and presented this expanded story along with a dedication of a very large progress pride flag that now hangs on the front of the Washington Ethical Society building on 16th Street NW, a couple of miles away from the White House.

Now I tell you all this to say that because the sight of that flag and someone like me scares the guy a couple of miles down the road from it, you are seeing fewer of them this year. You’re seeing fewer companies take advantage of queer dollars this year. You’re seeing fewer parades and events this year. And you’re probably going to see a flood of actions meant to hurt queer people (some symbolic, like removing Harvey Milk’s name from a military vessel, some actually harmful, probably around legal status or health care).

So your congregations are VERY LIKELY to step up their pride programming. More flags. More services. More celebrations. More readings and stories about queer folk. More dance parties.

It’s Newton’s law, made fabulous.

And if it makes you uncomfortable, turn inward and ask why. Why might a reaction like this bother you? Does it take you out of your comfort zone? Does it draw too much attention? Attention to what? Does it challenge your ideas of who we are? Does it challenge your sense of belonging?

Now consider the person who breathes a sigh of relief when there is a place for them, that we aren’t cowed by hate or fear.

It’s a pretty good sign that if you have their back, they might have yours.

Happy Pride.