Let's Give Up... Unrealistic Expectations

Hello, fellow travelers on the journey! It’s week three of my Lenten series!

We here at Hold My Chalice are a motley bunch from a variety of religious faiths, but there’s something quite lovely about a season where we consider what no longer serves us and how we might prepare ourselves for what’s next. So this Lenten season, we are considering seven things we say or do or believe in our congregations that no longer serve us, and maybe we can give them up.

Let's Give Up...Careless Remarks

Hello, fellow travelers on the journey! It’s week two of my Lenten series!

Hold My ChaliceKimberley Debus

This week: Unrealistic Expectations.

Look. We all expect things from the communities we join and the people who make up that community. And more, we expect a lot from ourselves too.

But…and this isn’t breaking news: people are messy, and messy people together don’t always do everything perfectly or the way you want them to.

I know, shocking. (Not shocking.)

But some of y’all still act like that’s news.

Some examples for both religious professionals and layfolk from across the faithosphere:

• You expect worship music to be perfectly performed at all times, even if your musicians are volunteers.
• Your expect the minister to be in the office all the time and out visiting all the members.
• You expect to be treated as an expert after reading one book on anti-racism and are shocked when someone calls you in to more learning.
• You expect every word of every sermon, reading, song, to speak to you and your personal theology.
• You expect your proposal to the board will naturally be accepted and are shocked when it’s not.
• You expect someone to call or text to remind you of a community event that was advertised in the bulletin, the newsletter, the weekly e-blast, on flyers hung around the building, and spoken from the pulpit.
• You expect things to remain exactly as you remember it from when you first joined the congregation.
• You expect there to be lots of families but you don’t want to hear or see them in worship.
• You expect that the way your old congregation did it is the only way to do it.

Now that’s a lot of the expectations we put on others; but what about the unrealistic expectations others put on us:

• They expect you to understand all the symbolism and common language of the community when you walk in the door, or expect you to learn through osmosis.
• They expect you to find your way around a building without any signage.
• They expect you to volunteer quickly - perhaps as soon as your first visit.
• They expect that if you work in a field like finance, or education, or IT, that of course you will become the treasurer, the teacher, or the techie.
• They expect you to work a full time job, raise a family, and volunteer all your free time to the congregation.
• They expect you to deliver the perfectly spiritual, intellectual, and definitely not boring sermon.
• They expect you to be at all the meetings, even the ones scheduled on a day off.

Every single one of these things is unrealistic. And it’s just some examples that I’ve run across in the last few months.

Y’all. Give each other a break. Remember that we value the journey. Remember that we are always learning. Remember that we all have responsibilities and limits to what we can do. Remember that we are always making choices. Remember that not everything is for you or about you.

Lower those unrealistic expectations and take a breath. And another.

The only way we can do all we need to do and meet this shocking moment we are in is if we show each other (and ourselves) some grace.

Breathe again.

Have a good week.