Short Stuff: All the Things Edition

I'm heading into the busiest October I've experienced in a while: a major writing deadline on my doctoral work, a big project for one of my congregations, and a long-awaited vacation. And there are tons of things I want to say before I take what will now be a month-long break, hopefully the last long hiatus for Hold My Chalice for a long while. So here we go:

• I'll begin with my anger about Cornell. I went on my first Take Back the Night march in 1982. In 2014 I joined a rotating group of people who walked with the Columbia student who constantly carried the mattress she was raped on until the university addressed it. In 2018/2019 I spoke with dozens of women who have been sexually harassed/assaulted as I preached on #metoo and toxic masculinity and heard stories of harassment and assault that have happened at our congregations. And none of it seems to have mattered. Because an institution once again failed a woman in order to protect men.

Sigh.

On to less angering things:

• There is too much happening right now. Our brains weren't made for it all - I don't remember who, but someone said that we evolved to hold all the things mentally in our own village. When our village became a global one, we maxed out our capacity. Now I'm not saying we only take care of our own tiny corner of the world - not in the least. What I'm saying is we can and should give ourselves a break when we max out. Days off are more vital than ever. So are entertainment, exercise, enjoyable events, and experiences outside of the grind. (Oops...I got a bit alliteration happy - as Toby Ziegler says, "I need an avalanche of Advil.")
• Over the summer, I worked with two congregations on my doctoral project, and one part of the experiment failed - and I'm not even mad about it. It's because I was asking them to present something broken on purpose, but because each team truly trusted each other AND the congregation trusted those teams, the congregation didn't notice - or more to the point, it didn't distract them or affect their experience. That's the thing: it matters that we build trust amongst teams and show that trust to the gathered, who will likely buy into that spirit of trust. Whether it's worship, or the board, or other groups - trust matters soooooo much.
• Change can't happen until space is made for it. We must occasionally clean house and let go of old practices, programs, and projects that no longer work/suit/get enough people to sign on. And yes, sometimes the space making hurts: people get very attached to what they do and how they do it. Making changes - especially those things that are almost habit by now - take focus and a concentrated effort. It can suck for a bit, but letting go creates spaciousness for something new.
• Rev. Dr. Kelly Brown Douglas was a guest in one of my classes, and among the pearls of wisdom she dropped was this turning of the Golden Rule: "Do not withhold from another that which you would not want withheld from you."
• We're largely an intellectual bunch - but we overintellectualize at our peril. We have emotions for a reason, and they can tell us a great deal - from when things seem wrong, or concerning, or finally resolved. Let's feel our feelings and listen to them. And let's not try to think our way past the things we need to understand about how we and others feel.
• And finally: some guy on TikTok said this, and I think about it a lot: "There's no right way to do the wrong thing."

Thank you all for your grace and your support - it's been a weird year, but I suspect things will settle down in 2027. Meanwhile, I'll be back in November, hopefully refreshed, but at the very least a month older.

Be good to each other.