Toupées and Toilet Paper

There is a logical fallacy called 'argument from ignorance' that is best defined as "absence of evidence is not evidence of absence."

Variations exist - the black swan fallacy, for example, is when you assert something like "all swans are white" because you've never seen a black one... until you have. Another variation is called the toupée fallacy, and it goes like this:

You might think "all toupées are obviously toupées" because every one you've noticed looked fake or obvious. The reason it's a fallacy is because you only notice the bad ones, not realizing that there are thousands of men wearing well-made toupées that blend naturally into their existing hair.

I bring this up because often we don't notice the many things people do until it goes wrong. I did a lot of stage management when I was active in theatre, and I learned how simultaneously important and thankless the job was. It stung, until I made obvious mistake (a crucial prop wasn't set out for the scene), and I realized that if I'm doing my job well, no one notices. It's only when there are mistakes that we notice, just like we only notice the bad toupées.

This happens a lot in congregations. There are people who take care of little things - making sure there is oil in the flaming chalice, checking the toilet paper supply, printing the order of service, setting out spoons for coffee - the little things that we only notice when they're not done. And pretty much always, we forget to thank those who do those small but vitally important tasks.

Just because you don't see the tasks being done in an obvious way doesn't mean they're not being done. And - perhaps more importantly - if a mistake is made, that is not a sign that people don't care/don't do their job/are useless. It means a mistake was made.

But it may also be a sign that people feel unappreciated, and perhaps can grow resentful, if no one ever acknowledges the things they do. This is why appreciation and kudos matter so much. I know how much, after a successful production run, the cast and crew showed appreciation - and how much it stung when I was truly invisible. This happens a lot to the tireless helpers and doers in our congregations, and that lack of recognition leads to burnout.

So how about this: let's pay a little more attention and notice more the things that get done and offer thanks to those who did them. Let's not assume the people doing those little things like doing them and maybe offer to take some of them on. And mostly, let's give a little grace to folks when mistakes are made and small things - like the toilet paper and the toupée - slip.