Enough already!

Oh beloveds. This is such a hard time.

We knew it would be bad, but we had not anticipated the careless rampage of destruction we’ve seen in the last month. We did not expect the clearcutting and decimation that has been wrought upon our nation.

I’ve talked recently about how it can get to us - how it got to me - and how we can mitigate some of the damage it does to our minds, our bodies, our spirits, our moral centers.

And even with good self care and community care, we are frazzled. We feel out of control. We start every conversation with things like “how are you outside of this descent into tyranny?” which gives everyone in the conversation a moment to focus on something else for a moment.

And still, we all need some release. A chance to let go of the anger and fear, in a safe space, so that we don’t take it out on people who don’t deserve it (and who are feeling it all too).

We know we are some version of frazzled, scared, or prickly - so is everyone else. So please. For the love of all that is holy, find ways to release it that don’t look like micromanagement or hyperfocus on the minutia.

Not surprisingly, I am hearing lately from a variety of lay leaders and religious professionals that prickliness is coming out sideways.

Some examples:

• Right after a service from a trans minister about imminent danger and how our communities can provide safety is not the time to complain to that minister that the hymn was too slow.
• While your nearly 9-months pregnant board president is in a closed door meeting is not the time to barge in and complain that one of the bathroom sinks is clogged.
• The day of the newsletter deadline for March is not the time to email your administrator a dozen times about printing the annual report for the meeting in June.
• The day after a guest preacher offers a well-received sermon is not the time to email that guest a long argument about something they didn’t even say in the sermon.

And here’s the thing - these people are, like you, also feeling prickly and frazzled and scared and angry. They’re doing their spiritual practices and holding themselves accountable so they can be accountable to you. They’re taking care of themselves and holding back because they don’t dare get snippy and snarky with you.

That’s what they have me for.

So please - knock it off. Check yourself. This is SO not the time for the minutia and unnecessary criticism and prickly comments. This is the time for grace. And forgiveness.

Your leaders are doing their best under the same unbelievable awful conditions that you are - some more so, if their livelihoods and/or their very lives are in jeopardy.

Please…just…think before you speak. Or email. Write it in a journal if you need to.

And if you really need a release, do that safely and in places/ways that won’t cause harm. (Do big art, find a rage room, gather trusted friends and have a sweary tea, run a 5K, dance until you fall down, scream sing in the car, whatever it takes.)

Yes, beloveds. It all really is as bad as we think. Don’t make it worse on the people who love you and have your back.